Update #2 from Asia

Borrowing a computer that is able to get on here and send out a quick update! :)

My team now has less than 2 weeks left in Asia!
These last few weeks have been such an incredible adventure.

We have seen people come to know the Lord and accept Jesus' sacrifice for the first time, we've learned so much more about ourselves as individuals and grown significantly in our relationships with Jesus, we've lived in a remote village, explored places where there are no other believers, led worship in places where there had previously only ever been idol worship, and done research on minority people groups as we survey the possibilities of providing them with long-term community development/church planting/bible translations.

More detailed stories will come later on when I'm home and have time to process through my journal and post a whole lot more in-depth. God is really glorifying himself in huge ways through this journey, and I'm super stoked to share that with you!

This internship hasn't been easy, it's been really challenging and difficult at times, but it's been completely worth it.

(Getting chased out of an outhouse at 3am by a rooster isn't exactly an amazing experience...neither is crashing a moped... and doing laundry in a river kind of stinks literally and figuratively... )

I can truly say that every tough moment has been entirely worth the incredible experiences and opportunities I've been given so far- and I can't wait to see what God has planned next for the next couple of weeks here.

I'm really excited to be able to show you guys pictures of some of the places we've been able to travel to! There are so many incredible people and places and experiences I genuinely can't wait to tell you all about.  I've never been to such beautiful places and experienced so many amazing things in such a short few weeks!

I really do miss my family and friends- you guys are my hugest support and I can't even begin to describe how much I love and appreciate you all.

Your continued prayers mean the world to me!


Prayer needs:

-PRAISE! We recently welcomed into the family 2 new believers and baptized them in the river right out front of their home. Please pray that they will be built up and strengthened in their faith long after we are gone, and that they will continue to learn and grow in their walk with Jesus through listening to the audio bible we left with them.

-We met with a family the other day who live in a difficult-to-reach place and who are the only believers in their entire tribe. Please pray for encouragement and guidance for them!

-One of the interns from another team in Africa contracted malaria, please pray for healing and comfort as she recovers.

-Traveling to remote places can be difficult, especially on a surveying trek where none of us is 'exactly' sure where we'll end up or where we will sleep that night. Please pray for safety and clarity for me and my team as we navigate to and from these locations. We got back from a surveying trek yesterday, and we leave town tomorrow for our last surveying trek- we'll be gone for about 5 days. Prayer is greatly appreciated!

Love you guys! :)

Greetings from Asia!

This is my first (and, possibly my only) post from Asia! My team and I are healthy and excited and well provided for! I have been here for a week now, and am feeling very well adjusted to the time change. This is my first opportunity with internet to update you guys on this part of the internship! We have been traveling almost daily, plunging ourselves into so many rich experiences and relationships that are an incredible gift from God! Every day is such a unique adventure. I sometimes have to stop and remind myself that this is real life- I am here, Jesus is here, and he is showing me the amazing ways he is already moving in these places he has guided us to.  This part of the internship is already hands-down one of the most amazing, difficult, exciting, terrifying, and epic adventures I have ever had! And this is only week 1!

I am writing this post from my phone, and since the internet is slow there is lag and it's difficult to share some of my stories in sufficient detail. I have been journaling every day, recording as much as I can about all of the ways I'm seeing God move in Asia and move in my own heart, so I will be posting journal excerpts and stories as I am able to (even if that can't happen til I return to the states- it is very unclear whether or not I will have internet access again, and when I'd have it, etc).

Knowing you are all praying for me and supporting me is one of the biggest blessing I could imagine for myself- Thankyou SO much! Your prayers truly make such a difference.

Prayer needs:

-Strength for the team- pray for unity and awareness of God's leading.

-My new friend A****'s grandfather passed away yesterday. Please pray peace and comfort over her and her family and that God would use this time to draw her family to himself, and away from idol worship.

- Perseverance for the new groups of believers we are encountering, that God would provide for them and encourage them daily.

-Please pray that God richly blesses each believer who has hosted us, provided for us, and expressed such beautiful Christ-like generosity towards us.

-I was blessed with a unique opportunity to prayer-walk with some new friends who are heavily involved in anti-trafficking work in one of the cities, and we spent one night walking through an area of town heavily populated with brothels and casinos. God's heart breaks for these girls so much more than mine does. so please pray that he would call workers to minister to these girls and be the catalyst for change in this city!

Obedience > Bravery

The Dallas days have come to an end!

The last language lessons have happened,
Bilingual songbooks have been printed,
Gifts have been given,
Projects have been completed,
And goodbyes have already begun to happen as we prepare to step into the next part of our journey.

Sometimes, it feels as though I've been here for months, other times it feels like just a few days.

There's such a strange mix of emotions in my heart right now.

I'm excited, and terrified.
I'm overwhelmed, and numb.
I'm thankful, and dissatisfied.

I'm wondering how is it possible to feel so many conflicting, contradictory emotions!

I'm not sure if/when I'll have internet access, so I might not be updating this blog very often until I get back and can post pictures and excerpts from my journal.

If I end up finding internet access, I'll send out brief updates on this blog when/if I can!

Can't believe this is finally happening!

Several people have approached me and my teammates and remarked how "brave" they think we are.
"Wow- you're going to _____? You all must be very brave!"

But, this really doesn't feel like bravery- because I'm scared. We all are.

In my mind, we really aren't particularly brave; we're just a group of inexperienced people, in way over our heads, pursuing obedience as best as we know how to.
      And right now, that obedience is leading us to Asia.

As always, your prayers mean so much more to me than you realize!
Prayer matters, and it makes such a tangible difference.

Thank you!


Prayer needs:

-Strength and perseverance for me and the team.
     The first few days in Asia will be some of the most difficult. Please pray that we keep our focus on Christ when (not 'if') things get really tight.

-Unity
     Please pray that our team experiences a renewed sense of unity as we remind one another of our common purpose.

-Health; please pray against sicknesses and minor aches and pains which could get alot worse under the stress of travel

-There are a few families in Asia whom we are already connected with who we hope will accept the truth of the gospel during our time with them. Please pray for open hearts and teachable spirits!

(Sneak peek at the cover design for the bilingual songbook. :) This flower represents the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus.)

Packing 101

Growing up, I always had a tough time packing for trips.

I needed tons of help, otherwise I'd pack WAYY TOO MUCH or not enough.
Basically, experiencing everything within the spectrum of:

"Oh, so I didn't need to bring a fridge?"   to
"I forgot my shoes. And also my socks. And also everything else that isn't snacks."

Slight exaggeration, maybe, but you get the idea. ;)

When I pack excessively, bringing everything I can possibly imagine I could potentially need in any given situation, it changes the way my whole trip looks:
Sometimes, I feel like an awesome traveller for bringing something obscure that ended up proving useful.  But, most times, I feel like a pack mule weighed down by useless junk heaped on top of where the necessities could have been.

Preparedness is GREAT.
"Over-preparedness-to-the-point-of-back-problems" isn't so great.

But as rough as poor packing can be, a heavy backpack isn't nearly as painful as a heavy heart is.

When I find myself trudging around with a heavily burdened heart, it's time to ask myself a couple of questions:

1. Am I hoarding unnecessary troubles and worries? (John 14:27)
2. Am I being weighed down by temporary and fleeting concerns? (Matthew 6:34)

If I answer yes to either one, then it's time for a serious heart-check to unpack some of that heaviness.

Jesus promises that his 'yoke is easy', and his 'burden is light' (Matt 11:30).
I shouldn't accept the lie that it's ok to settle for a stressed-out, weighed-down, freaked-out heart.

That kind of a burden isn't from Jesus, so I don't have to carry it.

As amazing as it is to remember the life-giving truth that Jesus' 'yoke is easy and his burden is light',
I also have to stop and notice that there's still a yoke, there's still a burden.

In fact, there's a cross.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."
 Matthew 16:24

Dang.

When I think about the heaviness of what that imagery means, carrying the 'cross' and the suffering that comes along with it,  I can't help but marvel at this apparent dichotomy in Jesus' words:
One one hand, his burden is light.  But, on the other hand, if you want to follow, you must take up your cross.

I don't think these truths are contradictory.

There's a lot that I don't know, so there's plenty of room for me to be wrong in my interpretation,
but I think that Jesus' words shed light on the reality that there are burdens worth bearing, and there are burdens that need to be laid down at his feet.

In this world, we WILL have trouble. We'll bear the weight of afflictions. Guaranteed.

And yet, the incredible truth is that our  '...light and momentary afflictions are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.' (2 Cor 4:17)

(Side note- Paul, the dude who described his afflictions as 'light and momentary' had an incredibly rough life; shipwrecked, persecuted, thrown in prison, and eventually killed because of his persistance in following Jesus. And yet, he describes these afflictions as 'light and momentary'. Blows my mind. Paul demonstrating that kind of depth of understanding of his burdens, and the purposes behind what he was carrying, is so incredible to me. He was carrying his cross, while resting under the lightness of the yoke of Jesus.)

I'm still thinking and processing through the verses/ideas I've been sharing in this post, so if you are reading this and have any comments or insights or other passages in scripture which might help deepen my understanding of Jesus' yoke/burden, I'd appreciate that a whole lot :)

Shoot me an email @ untiltheyallhaveheard@gmail.com!

Several people have been asking about what to pray for regarding the internship, so I thought I'd post some prayer needs tonight as well. This will be our last week in the States, so as we are wrapping up our time here and finishing last-second prep details, the more prayer we can get the better!


Prayer needs:

-That God would bless me and my team with good health as we prepare to fly to Asia next week. A few of us are feeling sick, so please pray that healing happens quickly!

-For the people/families we've been encountering on our prayer walks in the refugee communities; that God would help us to develop further relationships with them and that we'd have wisdom and clarity on how to better share Jesus' love with them.

-Logistics concerns; please pray that my coach is able to purchase plane tickets for in-country flights. This would dramatically help us to cut down on bus/van transportation time and quickly move from place-to-place. We want to spend less time on the road, and leave more time for relationship-building among minority people/language groups.

-That God would bless our research projects,  and help us to finish compiling and printing the bilingual songbooks in time to take them to Asia.

Your Kingdom Come

I've been very blessed through quite a few amazing conversations within my internship team over the past few weeks of training.

I don't take for granted the fact that I've been placed alongside such amazing individuals with incredible passion for learning more about who they are in Christ and how to know Him more deeply!

The other day, after a lengthy discussion on spiritual warfare and deliberating on possible explanations as to why God sometimes heals when we pray (and sometimes doesn't), our coach asked us a question which ignited a very in-depth conversation that we probably could have continued for hours longer than we did.

"What is the kingdom of God?"

One of the other interns answered that 'the kingdom of God is anyone/anywhere under submission to God's authority and will.'  

And, as it so happened, answering that one question sparked a whole batch of new questions;

Is it Gods will/intent that pain exists?
Is it by God's authority that suffering is inflicted?

Entire books have been written by very smart and well-educated individuals in an endeavor to tackle these questions.

Most of us have very strong opinions as to what the answers to those questions might be.

Where do I stand?

I believe that God is not willing that any should perish. (1 Peter 3:9).

I believe that suffering for doing what is right is within God's will.
(1 Peter 3:17- '...if God should will it so...').

I believe that the fully realized 'Kingdom of God' can be most clearly seen in Genesis before the fall of mankind, and in Revelation after the return of Jesus and full restoration of peace.

I believe that the kingdom of God is near (Mark 1:15), and that although we have access to the Holy Spirit and the transformed life he creates within us, there is still 'more kingdom' to come.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Cor 13:12)

But for now, it's not enough to ask these questions and try my hardest to tackle them and nail down my solid explanations and apologetic arguments.

It's not enough to try harder, study deeper, talk longer.

Because, on this side of eternity, there will always be mystery.

And I don't mean this to be a cop-out response!
This isn't evasion, this is honesty.
I'm learning that evasion is very different from honesty.

Here's the honesty- I'm a human being, with a finite human-being brain.
If all of the mysteries of God/history/the future/the universe could fit into my tiny limited human brain, we'd all be in serious trouble!

I want to learn more, I want to delve into answering questions that I don't fully understand.
And I believe that part of honoring Jesus with my mind IS using my brain to engage tough questions and examine WHY I believe, not just 'what' I believe.

But, if my seeking truth is for the sake of proving a point, or winning an argument, then I've already lost before I've begun.

If my seeking truth is so that I can find security and validity in the knowledge itself, then I know nothing.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  1 Cor 13:2

Developing my love for Jesus, and my passion for the things He is passionate about, should ALWAYS take precedence over my desire to 'know stuff' and feel intelligent.

With a foundation of LOVE, any 'facts/truths' I accumulate will only serve to help me to love Him more deeply and share his love more freely! I won't need to find my security in how 'smart' I feel.

Sharing his love with others in any way I possibly can is far more critical than an apologetics debate on whether or not his kingdom is here now partially or fully.

Of this I am certain; His kingdom is where He is.

Where He is,
there is freedom and there is grace,
and that's where I want to be.
Knowledge is meaningless unless placed against the backdrop of his grace.

I went into this summer praying more for answers to my 'big questions' more than I was praying for God's kingdom to come and his will to be done.

It's ok for me to keep seeking answers, but I am committing to doing so under a re-adjusted perspective;

Lord, I need you.
I need you more than I need answers.
I need you more than I need to 'be right'.
I need you more.

These two songs have been in my head constantly today, so I just decided to combine them into a mash-up and throw together a quick recording- hoping that my sore throat and extreme tiredness don't hinder the impact I hope that these beautiful lyrics bring to your heart, just as they have to mine!

Lord I need you, Oh I need you
Every hour I need you
You're my one defense, my righteousness, Oh God how I need you.

My deepest desire is met in your eyes
My soul waits for you, God
I've searched the world over, and still I find
Only You can satisfy

Update/Prayer Needs

Where to begin?

These past few days have been SO full, and seem like some of the fastest days ever and the slowest days ever all at once!

It's impossible to document everything, but here are a few highlights from the last few days.

-Language lessons at UTD

            Very difficult at times to stay focused and stay motivated, but I love the format of the lessons;   it's highly individualized and very interactive! I'm learning a ton! My language tutor is one of the sweetest, most patient people ever- she's been working hard to help me learn quickly, and it's a lot of fun to spend time with her.

-Research projects/Songbook compilation

             It's been really exciting to be able to be a part of a team conducting research on minority people/language groups, and working on translating and compiling a songbook to use in Asia! (And, possibly even distribute to new groups of believers there!) 

-Rest morning!!!

             Got to SLEEP IN this past Thursday morning, finally caught up on laundry (yay for hygiene!), then I went to the park with a few of the interns! Walking by the lake, feeding ducks, kicking around a soccer ball, giving our brains a few hours rest before jumping back into language lessons :)

-Prayer Walk

             Went as a team to pray as we walked around a refugee community, typically known for it's criminal activity and poverty, but we couldn't help but see another side of this place as we walked and prayed! There was so much LIFE and openness there; even though we only found one small church in the entire community, it was so encouraging to see the ways God is using that one small church to shine a light into the dense spiritual darkness that exists in the area.  Please pray for encouragement for the pastor of that church, who we spent some time talking to and praying with- he needs to find new leaders to raise up and minister to the community! Please pray that God will meet that need. We also met and prayed with a man from Burma whose brother is missing; please pray for him and his family!  

-Fellowship @ UTD

             I've been so blessed by the warm welcomes I've received these past few weeks, and the UTD student fellowship definitely is one of them! Kind new friends, amazing food, solid conversations about Jesus, and a bible study (which I barely understood because of my lack of language comprehension, but that's OK because I'm learninggg! :).

THANK YOU all for your prayers!

Knowing that I'm being prayed for is one of the brightest spots of encouragement in my life right now!

Discouragement has happened. 

Distraction has definitely happened.

I am very acutely aware of my insufficiencies.

But the truth is that God is using even my roughest moments to glorify himself.

(even when I'm not quite sure HOW He's gonna pull that off, He always does.)

In learning more about how to be honest about my weaknesses, I find myself gradually able to understand a little more of what Paul meant in 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10;

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I know that it's ok to not be ok sometimes,

I just don't always act as though I believe that!

Vulnerability is incredibly difficult, but incredibly necessary to a healthy spiritual life.

I definitely don't intend to mope around proclaiming my insufficiencies to the world, but I DO intend to allow God to be more glorified in my life through making it clear that there is no way I will accomplish anything of eternal value without Him. 

This reality goes against all of my natural worldly desires to be performance-driven/self-sufficient!

I want to be seen.

Recognized.

Loved.

All of those desires are misplaced unless they are directed towards Jesus;

He sees me, recognizes my identity in Him, and loves me in my most difficult moments.

But all other worldly recognition/appreciation is a meaningless pursuit, because

I'm not the main character of my story.

After all, it's not even 'my story'.

It's His story.

And He has decided to use my life, a fleeting moment against the backdrop of eternity, filled with weakness and insufficiencies, as some small part of His bigger plan.

I don't want anyone to look back at my time on this internship and marvel at 'how much faith I had',

Because there are times when I deeply struggle with faith.

I don't want anyone to see the things I'm doing and respond by praising my hard work,

Because my efforts are never enough; Jesus is the only reason for any successes along the way.

As much as I crave affirmation and attention,  

I know that these things are meaningless unless God is glorified through the reality of my weaknesses.

He must become greater, I must become less.

Prayer needs:

-One of my fellow interns has been battling sickness, please pray for quick healing for her!

-Please pray for God to work out some logistics concerns regarding plane tickets in-country once we get overseas! This would be a huge benefit to be able to purchase affordable plane tickets and avoid  time-consuming bus trips.

-Please pray for diligence and endurance as we continue our language-lessons! It's easy to get discouraged and frustrated, so please pray that we keep Jesus at the center of our focus so that our motivation/strength comes from the right place.

-I'm dealing with a recurring sore throat, doesn't seem like a big deal at the moment, but the last time it felt like this it lasted for quite awhile, and I need to feel better quickly so I can lead worship and speak without making it worse.

That One Night When I Lost My Sanity (and also my wallet.)

My heart sank and my mind raced when I noticed that I was missing my wallet.

Where could it have possibly gone!? 
I JUST had it, didn't I?!
I NEED that back. 
It's crucial!
How will I buy gas/essentials without that credit card?
And, how in the world will I explain to my precious little sister that her generous last-minute donation towards my trip has vanished along with my wallet? The wallet I got in Guatemala, with tons of sentimental value, notes from best friends tucked away in the card slots, currency from 3 countries (not worth much in monetary terms, but worth a lot to my sappy sentimental memory-loving self).
How the heck is this happening to me? I don't lose important stuff like this! This is embarrassing!
(Oh look, self-pity turning into pride. Yippy-skippy. This is going in a great direction...)

I went back to my host family's home, trying hard (semi-successfully) not to be in panic-mode.

My host family was incredibly kind and helpful that night!
When I told them about my lost wallet, they dropped everything they were doing and sat with me around the dining room table to pray for me to find the wallet.
I was prayed for in 2 languages!
Afterwards, my host dad offered to bring out a flash light and go help me look in my car one more time.
We practically turned that car inside out.
There was STILL no sign of my wallet!

After about 40 minutes of attempting to call the bank and find out how to cancel my card and report it lost, and not being able to, I gave up.

It was getting late, and I was exhausted.

((Brief backstory: I had already misplaced at least a couple of other things that day, and had forgotten my guitar at the PBT headquarters 45 minutes away from where I needed it when I was supposed to have led worship. Making mistakes was the theme of my day.

So, I was already feeling like a bit of a failure before I ever realized my wallet had vanished into thin air. Earlier that day, my coach looked me in the eyes and told me, "Don't feel so bad about this! Yes, you blew it.  But you need to learn how to blow it, and then accept the grace Jesus extends you. He thinks you're awesome, even when you forget stuff! You need to learn how to believe that. You give grace to others when they fail, so you need to learn how to give that same grace to yourself! I will be praying that God will give you plenty of opportunities to blow it over the next few months, so that you can learn how to cut yourself some slack, and receive the grace that has already been given to you." 

So basically, he was going to pray that I would learn how to fail by being given more opportunities to fail in a way that glorifies God. And then, hours later, my wallet is gone.
So, dear coach, if you're reading this, I blame you for this whole ordeal. Just kidding. Kind of. But I still love you. I think.))

I spent a couple more hours searching my whole room; emptying my suitcase, searching every nook and cranny of the room and every piece of luggage I had.
And somewhere along the way, my self-pity/pride turned into something worse than sadness and embarrassment;
I was crushed. In tears. Wallowing in my perceived incompetence.
Questioning my WORTH as a person.

Woah. That escalated pretty fast.
Sounds kind of crazy, right?  After all, it was just a wallet!

But it wasn't just the wallet.

I didn't lose my sanity over a lost piece of fabric and some paper bills.

There was more to it than that.

The lost wallet was just revealing some emotional/identity issues I had been pushing aside:

I extend grace to other people, but am somehow unable (or unwilling) to extend that same grace to myself when I blow it. (aka- everyone makes mistakes! Except me. How dare I.)
That's not ok.
I sometimes believe that making mistakes gets in the way of my ability to 'prove myself' and show that I'm someone who is worthwhile, even through Jesus proved that FOR me over 2000 years ago.
That's not ok.
I wasn't even being fully honest with myself about some emotional difficulties I've been facing over the last few weeks. I was trying so hard to convince myself that I was completely ok, that I wasn't even giving myself a chance to be honest about the fact that I was having a tough time.  My initial strategy was diversion, not honesty.
That's not ok.

And so, losing the wallet was the tipping point God used to bring all of that junk to the surface.
Praise Jesus for that darn lost wallet!
I was finally confronting those places in my heart that God was/is still working on!

So there I was, a picture of pathetic-ness, crying my eyes out while on hold with the credit card company.

Real classy, right? Totally.

I eventually had no other alternative but to give the situation to God.
(Which would have been the best strategy from the get-go, but I was far too consumed in self pity to realize that!)

I went to sleep, and continued my routine the next morning, feeling much more at peace with myself.
(But still really wishing I had that silly wallet back.)

The story very well could have ended right there, but it didn't!

After a couple of meetings, I went out to my car later in the morning with one of my coaches to grab a song book from the back seat, and when I looked in the car by the passenger's seat,

THERE IT WAS!

The wallet! Right there, propped up in plain sight against the front seat!

Me and my coach were completely shocked- that wallet was NOT there the last time we were in my car. After searching the entire car so thoroughly with my host-dad the night before, and searching again first thing in the morning,  I was completely dumbfounded to see it sitting there in plain view! (One of my teammates who had sat in that passenger seat just a couple hours beforehand was equally surprised- he said that he definitely would have seen it propped up there if it had been there earlier in the morning as he was getting into the car!)

I may or may not have cried again.
But this time it was out of sheer joy!
(I promise I don't usually cry as often as I seem like I do in this post! Or maybe I do. 
Man, I don't know! hahaha)

I don't know how that wallet got there.

But all I do know for sure is that
God is good.
God is still good, whether or not I had ever seen that wallet again.

I don't have to believe that I deserve his grace when I blow it.
Because I don't.
But it's mine to take, and what possible reason do I have to refuse such a gift?

Jesus sees me so differently than I so often see myself.
He doesn't look at me and see someone who has yet to prove their value.

Yes, I blow it.
I fail.

But failure is an event, not a person.

I fail, but I am not a failure.

In moments when I struggle to see my worth,
Jesus still sees me, the whole me, and loves me anyways.

He sees you, and loves you anyways.

Maybe He just sees something that we don't.

(Last week's lake afternoon with the interns!)

Hello, my name is 依 琳 :)

      My host family gave me a Chinese name!  My English first name is difficult to translate/find similar-sounding Chinese words that mean something significant, so my Chinese host family used my middle name to figure out what my Chinese name will be. After quite a bit of writing down potential characters on a piece of scrap paper (seen above!) They chose 依 琳 (pronounced: yī lín), a name which has two parts; the first part means 'dependent'- they explained that this isn't supposed to be a negative trait or a subservient thing, but a 'sweet quality' possessed by someone who trusts/relies completely. And they said that the second part, 'lin',  means 'beautiful/rare jade or jewel'.  I was so humbled by their kindness, and felt very special for being given such a lovely Chinese name! ^^ 

(Side note- apparently, there is a Taiwanese celebrity who shares a very similar name, so when they announced my name at church there was some laughter when the pastor accidentally said the celebrity's name instead of mine! hehe)

This morning I packed up my guitar and met up with the team to spend some time in prayer/worship to begin the day together.  Later, I went to UTD and got to meet two of our language consultants who will be helping to tutor me and my teammates to learn more of the language more quickly.  They are amazingly sweet and helpful people, and I really am very excited to be able to spend more time with them and learn from them!  (Just in case you didn't know, few things make me more happy than meeting amazing new people :) 

There was also a team meeting/lunch today at one of the churches we've been so generously supported by, and my host family sent this amazingly delicious Asian cake with me to share! :)

I'll be posting again soon to share some more of the things God has been teaching me these last few days (There's been ALOT! I'm still processing quite a bit of it, to be honest.). 

I'm learning so much about God's provision and consistency, about many areas of my character which definitely need a LOT more growth and maturity, and about how my definition of productivity and efficiency is often quite different from what God has in mind. (I ask the question "what more can I DO?" far more often than I ask the more-important question "what more can I BECOME"? 'Who am I becoming' should be asked far more often than 'what am I doing'.  More 'Mary', less 'Martha'. Luke 10:38-42).

Prayer needs:

-Praise! Every other intern team has reported back that they made it to their fields overseas safely! Please pray for continued guidance and provision for them.

-Health. Almost everyone on my team has been dealing with headaches, nausea, and random other ailments which make it difficult to concentrate on difficult language lessons and interact well with our host families. Please pray that health levels and energy levels rise as we are strengthened by God's Spirit!

-This last one needs a little explanation:

I met two people over the last few days, in two separate conversations, who have asked where in Southeast Asia I will be traveling to. They persisted in asking me which towns and villages we will be going to, and continued by listing out the province(s) and town(s) they hoped I would visit. 

"Please, are you going to _____?" 

"I don't think we are going there, why do you ask?" 

"Because my father is from there, and I really need you to go preach the gospel to him."

"Because my family lives in that town, and they need to know who Jesus is."

My heart broke.

I can't imagine their desperation. 

I can't imagine myself knowing that my family is half a world away, unaware of who Jesus is or what lasting hope looks like. 

I can't imagine being so far away, unable to tell them about Jesus, for fear of my safety or theirs.

I'm essentially a total stranger to them. They realize that it is highly unlikely that we would be able to make it to these places (and honestly, I can't even remember how to pronounce/spell the villages their families are in!), and yet they ask me anyways because they are so desperate for their families to encounter the life they found in Christ.

Jesus- please, if my team is not able to reach these people while I am abroad, please help them to encounter you. Make them aware of your love in any way possible! Whether you choose to use me or someone else, please show them how loved they are by you. Please make a way.

Sunday Funday

Sleep was elusive last night.

I got a few solid hours in, but after tossing and turning ever since around 4am, I finally gave up trying to get back to sleep and spent some time praying/writing this! :)

I'm officially moved in to my host family's home, where I will be living for the remainder of my time in Dallas.  They are so kind and generous, and I feel very comfortable and at-home here already!
Each intern on my team is staying with separate host families, so I think we will all have plenty of experiences and stories to share with each other during team meetings!

When I first arrived to my host family's house, my host-mom invited me along with her to a new Asian market to do some grocery shopping. I was so excited to go experience that and find out how an Asian market in America works! I tried new fruit I had never tried before, got some aquarium water splashed on me when I walked by the lobster tanks, was given a beautiful cake by my host-mom, and picked up a few new vocabulary words! :)

After going to the market, I met up with the rest of the interns at the church we are all attending to help prepare a special meal for all the fathers at the church. It was definitely a really interesting experience to help prepare a meal with ingredients I could barely pronounce!! I'm a long way from becoming an experienced Asian chef, but I feel like I took my first step in that direction yesterday hahaha

That evening, I also attended a bible study with an Asian fellowship from the University of Texas at Dallas. Everyone was so kind and welcoming! I met some awesome new Jesus-loving friends who I'm really excited to continue to connect with over the next couple of weeks as we keep attending the bible study.

Today is going to be primarily a day of resting and getting geared up for this next week! I will attend church with my host family and spend the day tagging along with them. 

I'm really excited to jump into this next week and continue working on the bilingual songbook, help with the research project on minority people groups, and soak in as much language-learning as possible!

Prayer needs:

-Safety/provision for all the teams that are currently traveling overseas

-Spiritual health and discipline during our time of preparation

-Protection against distractions (I have a couple factors/circumstances in my life which could make keeping my focus here a little more difficult. Please pray that God will heal my heart where it needs healing, and that I would be strengthened by the Holy Spirit to be fully engaged in the task at hand!)

Prayer/Life Update!

Halfway done with Discovery week, Dallas edition! Every day has been so jam-packed with inspiring messages, mind-blowing testimonies of God's work throughout the globe, and a whole lot of prayer and laughter within my team.  This is such a valuable time of learning and preparation for my time in Southeast Asia!

This Saturday, I'm moving in with my East Asian host family who will be graciously and generously "adopting me into their family" for the remainder of my Dallas language/culture training period!
I'm SO excited to spend time with them and be immersed in their language and lifestyle!

Most of my time after the end of this week will be spent on campus at UTD focusing on language-learning, researching the language groups and people groups in the regions we will be traveling to, working alongside one of my co-interns to create a bi-lingual/tri-lingual song book to distribute to new groups of believers overseas (I'm particularly stoked about this project!!), or working alongside one of my coaches in her work with the local refugee communities.

 I couldn't be more thankful for this opportunity, and even though I am probably sounding like a broken record right about now, I'm SO THANKFUL for each and every one of my friends and family members who have prayerfully supported me! I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for God moving in each of your hearts to pray and to give! I praise God for each of you guys and your loving, generous hearts!

I realized that I had forgotten in my last post to let you guys know what the current prayer needs are and also share some answered prayers!!  So, here we go :)

-PRAISE that each team has been able to overcome obstacles and communication difficulties and that each have become much more unified.

-PRAISE that the visa issues I requested prayers for have been RESOLVED!

-PRAISE that the coordinator's son/children are no longer dealing with sickness.

-Please pray for continued excitement and patience for me and my teammate, as he and I work to compile a bi-lingual songbook template to print and distribute.

-Please pray for health and for an end to anxiety; several interns are having a difficult time with various health concerns.

-Please pray for our host families, and that we will be able to look for opportunities to love and bless them while we are under their gracious hospitality!

Though You Slay Me

       Day 1 of Discovery Week, and I'm already absolutely in awe at  how little I know.

How little I know of what God is truly doing in unreached places where the name of Jesus has never yet been spoken.

How little I know of what it means to carry my cross and follow.

Chapel tonight was themed around the concept of pain and suffering.

The speaker was a missionary whose story of his family's first term working in the field was inspiring and tragic and beautiful and terrifying all at once.  My meager 'sufferings' pale in comparison to the tremendous tragedies and challenges he has endured.  He spoke from Ephesians 3 and Romans 6 and Acts 14, and tied his points together very powerfully around the truth that trials and tribulations bring forth a unique opportunity to bring glory to God as he makes beautiful things out of the dust.

Enduring for the sake of Christ, he said, is completely worth it.

The worst moment of suffering/pain in the history of mankind was doubtlessly on the day when a perfect God/perfect man was brutally (and VOLUNTARILY) sacrificed on our behalf, as he experienced the abandonment of his closest companions and the rejection by his Father in heaven, and as all signs pointed to utter misery and utter failure. And yet, the story didn't end there- the resurrection was just a few days later, and along with that promise of new life came the indescribably beautiful access to grace through faith by all who would choose to follow Him!  The WORST suffering brought about the GREATEST and most beautiful truth known to mankind. So, of course that same God who brought beautiful things out of the greatest tragedy of history is more than capable of bringing beauty out of whatever heartache I could possibly endure. 

Why does my heart so often grow numb to this truth?

Is it because I've heard it so many times?

Is it because it's scary as heck?

Or is it because it's so easy for me to place my physical/emotional comforts above acknowledging my desperate need for Jesus' grace?

After all, comfort is my "default setting".

It's human nature, right? We pursue the 'lesser things' of life to mask the reality of suffering in some form or another; most times it isn't even necessarily blatantly sinful- it could be as simple as just spending ourselves in pursuit of the trivial. Turning off our minds, running to netflix marathons, food,  video games, etc. etc.

After several conversations with my fellow interns, and a whole lot of time in prayer, God is so obviously calling us to a deeper understanding of what it means to 'pick up our crosses' and endure, regardless of the struggles and the pain we WILL face in the future.

We promised Him our hearts.

We promised Him our lives.

Will we keep our promises? 

Will we serve him even when he allows us to suffer for the sake of His name?

Is He worth it?

Absolutely, yes.

It's the most terrifying promise we could make.

But He makes us brave. His perfect love will cast out all fear.

(This song below has been in my head constantly today as I've heard so many stories from so many faithful men and women of faith who have endured more pain than I can imagine for the sake of the gospel, and yet they continue to love and continue to serve. This song is their song.)

Laughing Well & Loving Well

 1 John 4: 7-13 :

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit."


The past few days have been bursting at the seams with so many contrasting kinds of emotions and experiences!

Yesterday was a particularly difficult day.

In the early morning when I woke up for the day, I was excitedly expecting a simple and fun "team-building day at the park" (aka a nice break from so many indoor classes/sessions this week!), but had no idea that I was in for a marathon series of physically/emotionally/mentally exhausting challenges to complete alongside my team; challenges specifically designed to frustrate us and push our boundaries so that our underlying tendencies and responses to conflict would surface.

As difficult and stressful and frustrating as the day was at times, throughout the debrief sessions during the day (and also into the evening) I was completely overwhelmed with gratitude for the blatant honesty we were able to express, and for the improvements in communication and clarity within the team.

We already know how to laugh together- we spend most of our time together laughing and enjoying one another- but now I feel strongly that our relationships are deepening significantly with a greater understanding of how to really LOVE one another well. We have learned how to laugh together quickly, but the process of learning how to really love each other through times of disagreement/miscommunication comes much more slowly.

And then today, during one of the sessions, I was reminded that conflict is a powerful opportunity to glorify God! Reconciliation between individuals/groups can be a beautiful reflection of what reconciliation to God looks like through confession, loving correction, and holistic forgiveness.

As a team, we are learning to love each other by taking the time to understand one another more deeply, assessing each others strengths and weaknesses and learning how to overcome conflicts and miscommunications in a way that brings glory to God.

I'm learning more and more about my natural response to conflict- denial/avoidance. These few months will be an amazing time to practice the tools and strategies I'm learning now to face conflict in a God-glorifying way! After all, even Jesus didn't run from conflict- He was/is the Prince of Peace, and was most definitely a "peace-maker", but he wasn't always peaceful. He FLIPPED TABLES one time, y'all! (But then, that opens up a whole other topic of righteous anger vs. contempt-anger, soooo for now lets just say that this is NOT necessarily an excuse for us to throw stuff...)

Learning to love one another as Jesus first loved us is happening within this team in so many ways, and it excites me to be able to walk alongside such amazing people during this process!  Praise God for this answer to prayer!

Tonight we all crammed into a dorm room and shared our life-stories over pizza, and I was completely blown away by how much God has been moving in the lives of each one of my teammates and leaders!
I can't help but praise God for the ways he's brought this eclectic group of talented/wise/hilarious/kind/occasionally crazy people into my life this summer! We have fun together very well, and by the grace of God we are learning to love each other very well too.

This weekend is the end of Pre-Field Orientation week! Next week is Discovery Week, where we'll all have even more opportunity to heavily immerse ourselves in the realities of life on mission, and spend time with amazing men/women/families who have been serving the marginalized and oppressed while planting churches/translating scripture in other cultures.

(Also, for anyone who might be wondering, we have had our orientation for the Asia portion of this trip, and I wish I could disclose more details to you all because I'm so over-the-moon-EXCITED about where God is leading us this summer! It will be one incredible journey, and I'm looking forward to sharing with each of you more as I am able to! :) )

I'm so blessed by your prayers and support- every day I spend here, I thank God for each and every one of you!


Prayer needs:

-Several people in my team are struggling with sleep/spiritual attack. Please pray for REST, and for deliverance from fear and discouragement.

-Unity within each of the teams

-A few visas for another team's trip are delayed, please pray that God would work through these logistics and open doors into these countries.

New Beginnings

Pre-Field Orientation is in full swing!!!

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind of logistics, lectures, hikes, team building exercises, tarantula sightings, and a whole bunch of other crazy stuff!  I already feel like I'm learning so much, and I'm barely 2 days into training!  God has already been speaking to my heart through my fellow interns and the incredible examples they are of selfless surrender to God's calling in their lives. Most of us aren't sure exactly where 'life after graduation' will take us, whether we'll end up with PBT long term or not, but I genuinely believe that God is going to use this summer to provide us with a deeper understanding of who He is, and that everything outside of that is just icing on the cake. :)

My transition into this internship hasn't been without a few bumps in the road, but overall I can honestly  say that I have high hopes that God will use this training season to really establish a solid foundation for me and all of the internship teams PBT is sending (I'm training alongside multiple teams going to different sites all over the globe!), to really maximize our effectiveness on the field during our time abroad. I have a strong expectation that we will all look back on PFO (this week) and Discovery Week (next week's training/development track) as some of the most intense/beneficial periods of missional training we've experienced!

Yesterday was a very full day even though we didn't have any training-specific classes. Early in the morning, we all loaded up into a couple of vans and went to church together, took group photos afterwards to add to the newsletters we'll be writing later on in our internship, had lunch at the home of a PBT Training Coach and his awesome family (it's not easy getting a delicious meal put together for 30+ people!), returned to campus for our first orientation meeting, went on a gorgeous hike, got a chance to encourage one another through sharing some of the victories God has given us on our journey towards getting to this internship as well as discussing the various personal sacrifices that were made, and went out to dinner together at the end of the evening!

Today has been full of its own challenges and learning opportunities, including seminars by the president of PBT, and several other brilliant teachers/coaches, who were really able to take complicated and intense subject matter and break it down into tangible concepts and activities for us.

I'm beginning to get to know several of the interns a little better, and I'm so excited for this journey as we continue to learn more about each other and find encouragement in the fascinating ways God brought this eclectic group of college students together into one program! (I've also met quite a few InterVarsity students/alumni and even a former staff worker! It's so exciting to connect with fellow IV people and to see how God is using these two ministries in partnership in various ways!)

I'm also incredibly excited about the people God has brought into my team in particular;  we have barely known each other for more than a couple of days, and yet the level of cooperation and honesty I've already seen within the group dynamics has been so encouraging! Our coaches are also phenomenal-  we are so blessed to have this opportunity to learn from these two Jesus-loving people who radiate God's love and wisdom in such beautiful ways.

And now, I'll need to stop rambling and get onto the paperwork/assigned writings/personality test questionnaire that are all due in the morning! I want to thank you again SO much for your prayers and support and love; a couple of you have been texting me and encouraging me and I just want to make sure you're reminded how much that means to me, and how much God is using you to speak truth and life into my heart!

Prayer needs:

- That I would lay down my prideful expectations, and allow God to take this internship in the directions He desires.

- For diligence in assignments and attentiveness in each session/lecture/language lesson.

- That the teams would continue to build and develop unity.

- For healing of the PFO coordinator's son who has a bad stomach bug.

- For encouragement in moments when we begin to focus on the difficulties/failures, and for the strength to fix our eyes on Christ regardless of how tough stuff gets.

Love you all SO much!

-K

The library where I'll be spending aLOT of my time over the next couple weeks.

First Southeast Asia team picture!

We take Jesus seriously, but we clearly don't take ourselves too seriously. ;)

"The Road Goes Ever On and On"

Day 1 of Pre-Field Orientation!
After my first solo road trip, I'm officially in Dallas, and tomorrow begins the first full day of adjusting to life on campus at the Global Institute of Applied Linguistics :)

The drive to campus went by fairly quickly!  I spent a good portion of it in prayer for my family and my friends who have constantly showed me more love and support than I ever thought possible! My heart has been so full today, even though by mind/body is exhausted.

Tonight I met my teammates and other students from other teams who will be traveling all over the world this summer, and it was really neat to learn a little more about all of the places PBT is sending interns to! After the initial arrival, figuring out dorm room assignments, navigating all those awkward yet necessary get-to-know-you games, I'm finding myself at the end of Day 1 of this internship!

(fun fact- I encountered a llama today. And also a tarantula. Exciting stuff. ;)

My little sister tucked a note into my hand before I backed out of the driveway this morning to head for Pre-Field Orientation. It contained the lyrics to a song from J.R.R. Tolkein;

"The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say."

And it also had a generous gift of money for my trip to Asia.
I may or may not have cried- opening her letter was the sweetest moment of the day!
My sister is pretty darn cool :)

Tomorrow I'll be getting up bright and early to go to church with the whole internship team, and then when we return we'll be going over all the logistics stuff after receiving our schedule/agenda packets.

This is really happening!
It's such a strange feeling when something you've looked forward to for so long is suddenly right in front of you.

Your prayers mean more to me than you will ever know! I would not be here if it wasn't for the ways God has moved through my friends and my family in ways that totally blow my mind.

((Just as a reminder, if you would like to be added to the online newsletter mailing list to keep you updated on all the specifics of the internship as it progresses, PLEASE email me and let me know! We are compiling the lists very soon so we can start sending these updates out. 

Here's the email you can use to contact me:  untiltheyallhaveheard@gmail.com  ))

I hope you guys know how much I love you, and how thankful I am that I have the privilege of carrying your love/support with me into this internship! 

When I was 11 years old,  my world changed.
Because, for the first time in my short life, it wasn't "my world" anymore.

After hearing a sermon by a visiting missionary from Pioneer Bible Translators, my horizons were vastly expanded as I was made aware of the staggering reality that of the approximately 7,000 language groups there are in the world, only a fraction of them have access to any part of the bible in their native language. 

The weight of that harsh reality hit me- because if I truly believe that the Word of God is a "lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" (Psalm 119:105), how could I stand by and do nothing now? Now that I know that millions upon millions of people are spiritually 'lost at sea' without any knowledge of what a life raft is. Now that I know that unimaginable pain and suffering is occurring within communities who have no ability to glimpse what hope in Jesus looks like.

The bible doesn't save people, only faith in Christ can do that, but the bible is the primary window through which can know God and be assured of his will.  Theologians call this 'Special Revelation', I call it 'The-most-mindblowing-beautiful-truth-in-the-history-of-EVER', but I guess the shorter terminology will suffice. :) Through personal study and wrestling through many tough questions, I have come to believe that the bible is the inspired word of God, penned through the obedience of men throughout thousands of years, to reveal aspects of Gods nature, his redemptive plan for humankind as a whole, and his desire for each and every person to come into an understanding of the depth of his relentless love for them.

For the first 11 years of my life, I was relatively unaware of the desperation for 'wholeness' and 'healing' that existed outside of "my own world". 

Years went by, and, for quite a few of them, I put my dreams of working with PBT on the back-burner of my life.  And yet, God continually and persistently kept placing PBT in my mind through 'chance encounters' with past interns/missionaries, to speakers at conferences, to conversations with new friends at InterVarsity Christian Fellowship on campus.

11 years later, God just wouldn't let me forget about that dream that was sparked in my heart as a child that day in church!  

And right now, tonight, I find myself 11 days away from embarking on the training portion of my internship with PBT as a part of the first team from this organization to be sent to East Asia!  I'm really not convinced that my heart is big enough to hold all of the gratitude and excitement I am feeling to finally have this door opened to me! I am privileged and blessed beyond measure to have this opportunity to see how God is already moving in East Asia, and I am so humbled that He has chosen me to play some small part in that beautiful plan.

I will try to update this blog as often as I am able to- I'm sure there will be many high points and low points in the months to come! I hope I will have the opportunity to capture as many of those moments here as I can, so that whoever reads this can be walking through this journey alongside me in prayer, and that they will be encouraged by hearing about the amazing things God is doing in Asia!

After all, this adventure isn't mine- it's His.

~K