Your Kingdom Come

I've been very blessed through quite a few amazing conversations within my internship team over the past few weeks of training.

I don't take for granted the fact that I've been placed alongside such amazing individuals with incredible passion for learning more about who they are in Christ and how to know Him more deeply!

The other day, after a lengthy discussion on spiritual warfare and deliberating on possible explanations as to why God sometimes heals when we pray (and sometimes doesn't), our coach asked us a question which ignited a very in-depth conversation that we probably could have continued for hours longer than we did.

"What is the kingdom of God?"

One of the other interns answered that 'the kingdom of God is anyone/anywhere under submission to God's authority and will.'  

And, as it so happened, answering that one question sparked a whole batch of new questions;

Is it Gods will/intent that pain exists?
Is it by God's authority that suffering is inflicted?

Entire books have been written by very smart and well-educated individuals in an endeavor to tackle these questions.

Most of us have very strong opinions as to what the answers to those questions might be.

Where do I stand?

I believe that God is not willing that any should perish. (1 Peter 3:9).

I believe that suffering for doing what is right is within God's will.
(1 Peter 3:17- '...if God should will it so...').

I believe that the fully realized 'Kingdom of God' can be most clearly seen in Genesis before the fall of mankind, and in Revelation after the return of Jesus and full restoration of peace.

I believe that the kingdom of God is near (Mark 1:15), and that although we have access to the Holy Spirit and the transformed life he creates within us, there is still 'more kingdom' to come.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Cor 13:12)

But for now, it's not enough to ask these questions and try my hardest to tackle them and nail down my solid explanations and apologetic arguments.

It's not enough to try harder, study deeper, talk longer.

Because, on this side of eternity, there will always be mystery.

And I don't mean this to be a cop-out response!
This isn't evasion, this is honesty.
I'm learning that evasion is very different from honesty.

Here's the honesty- I'm a human being, with a finite human-being brain.
If all of the mysteries of God/history/the future/the universe could fit into my tiny limited human brain, we'd all be in serious trouble!

I want to learn more, I want to delve into answering questions that I don't fully understand.
And I believe that part of honoring Jesus with my mind IS using my brain to engage tough questions and examine WHY I believe, not just 'what' I believe.

But, if my seeking truth is for the sake of proving a point, or winning an argument, then I've already lost before I've begun.

If my seeking truth is so that I can find security and validity in the knowledge itself, then I know nothing.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  1 Cor 13:2

Developing my love for Jesus, and my passion for the things He is passionate about, should ALWAYS take precedence over my desire to 'know stuff' and feel intelligent.

With a foundation of LOVE, any 'facts/truths' I accumulate will only serve to help me to love Him more deeply and share his love more freely! I won't need to find my security in how 'smart' I feel.

Sharing his love with others in any way I possibly can is far more critical than an apologetics debate on whether or not his kingdom is here now partially or fully.

Of this I am certain; His kingdom is where He is.

Where He is,
there is freedom and there is grace,
and that's where I want to be.
Knowledge is meaningless unless placed against the backdrop of his grace.

I went into this summer praying more for answers to my 'big questions' more than I was praying for God's kingdom to come and his will to be done.

It's ok for me to keep seeking answers, but I am committing to doing so under a re-adjusted perspective;

Lord, I need you.
I need you more than I need answers.
I need you more than I need to 'be right'.
I need you more.

These two songs have been in my head constantly today, so I just decided to combine them into a mash-up and throw together a quick recording- hoping that my sore throat and extreme tiredness don't hinder the impact I hope that these beautiful lyrics bring to your heart, just as they have to mine!

Lord I need you, Oh I need you
Every hour I need you
You're my one defense, my righteousness, Oh God how I need you.

My deepest desire is met in your eyes
My soul waits for you, God
I've searched the world over, and still I find
Only You can satisfy